she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
