Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
