maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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