Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
