"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
