I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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