I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
