I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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