he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
