I need help removing her.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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