Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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