I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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