Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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