Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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