Whatcha textin bout Willis?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
her facebook's as public as her vagina
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
