Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
