nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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