If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
