I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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