Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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