Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
