What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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