I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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