i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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