I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
