What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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