I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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