Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
