Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
