My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I believe in your delicious
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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