We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
