After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
