If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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