so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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