My room smells like vodka and shame
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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