I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
