He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
