This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
