I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
