Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
