i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
