never play flip cup with pint glasses
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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