I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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