I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
