Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
