is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm like, not good at living.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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