Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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