I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you win again, gameday.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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