I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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