I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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