Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
