Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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