im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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