gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My hand turned me down
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
